I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
