I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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