I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize