Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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