Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
