yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I need moral support for this bender
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
