Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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