i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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