So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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