Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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