so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
