It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
