And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize