Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
