It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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