You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
