You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
