if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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