I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
