Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
