I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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