Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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