she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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