I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
