I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
