yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
