As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
