Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
