I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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