i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
