he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
