I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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