She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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