I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
