I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
