So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
