I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
