In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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