I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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