remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
