I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I checked into jail on foursquare
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
