This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
