My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
