Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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