Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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