tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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