Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
