I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my being single is dangerous.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
