i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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