i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
