His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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