That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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