In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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