It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
