I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
