Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
