Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
