Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
