Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
