Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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