So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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