Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
