This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
